Bathing Together

Daddy had Drill this past weekend. He’s away… for the weekend…alone… and all mine in the evenings…

Last night he asked me to bathe with him. Usually this is metaphorical, but last night I had the opportunity to run a bath too. A HOT bath. And it was delicious.

We set our phones to video call… and I got to see him… in al his glory…

It did not take long for bathing to turn into Play.

“Show me your pussy”, Daddy commanded.

I picked up the phone and tilted myself to show him how pink I had become in the hot water.

He laid back exposing his hard erect cock to my view. And began stroking.

I must admit… I enjoy watching him, listening to him cum… I enjoy knowing it is thoughts of me that put him in that state, and images of me touching him that brought him to fruition. I like watching his cock erupt and the mess he makes. The breathless Moans and grunts of pleasure.

Prior to this, I had been very hesitant about doing the same for him. I had a very humiliating experience with such and was not keen to repeat it. And while Daddy would push, he never pushed hard. I knew he wanted me to do the same… I just wasn’t there yet.

But this night… it was different. It felt normal and natural… an extension of our previous Play… and I found myself with my fingers in my pussy and my ass…on camera… for him… and I was glad to do so. I had a few moments of panic when I realized he was taking screenshots. But…he’s my Dom… I trust him… he’s allowed… and I know they will be held in the strictest of confidence with him.

As I thought about his hands on my body, and brought myself to orgasm, I couldn’t believe I was doing this… and *enjoying * it!!

But I did. I enjoyed the look of want on his face, the desire and lust in his eyes, I enjoyed watching his hand stroke his cock, watching it leak, the change in color as he squeezed… and how I wanted that cock in my throat!… listening to his breath become short as he got closer… and that brief moment of complete silence as his body prepares to cross over that edge of pure delight and wave after wave floods thru him of pleasure…. sigh… I do enjoy watching and listening to him…

I suspect that’s something akin to how he feels about watching me… so… when I can, I’ll make efforts to show him, not just tell him, how much I enjoy the thought of him….and I find a bit more…of that submission in the distance.

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A Family Thing

 

I am the oldest of four girls. BGR, MK, Ladybug and Lady A. (I met Lady A last year – our dad was an asshole.) MK and I are Stepsisters and might see each other at Christmas every other year. But Ladybug grew up in the same house as me.

She’s almost a decade younger than me, and has always been my heart. We’ve had a strained relationship through the years… because we are both strong, independent, *stubborn* women. Did I mention stubborn ? But when we’re good, neither of us has a bigger cheerleader than the other.

It’s a known family ‘secret’ that Ladybug and Mr. Swiss are kinky. It’s not discussed in detail, but it’s known.

So when Daddy presented his activity in The Lifestyle I wasn’t completely unfamiliar with it.

This past year Ladybug and I have been strained. Her life spiraled something fierce, and my plan started taking tangible shape. The two were not compatible. As Daddy and I moved closer to us, he began to insist I make effort to ‘fix it’.

So last month I called Ladybug and asked her to have lunch. She agreed. It was… fine. Just… fine. A little awkward and not what we’ve been in the past. I left thinking it would be a while until there was enough control in her world, and enough peace in mine, that I could talk to her.

And Daddy pushed again, “ You need your sister. You need your cheerleader through this. The kids need their Aunt. Ask her to lunch again. And you need a fellow sub.”

Ugh! I didn’t want to. I wanted her to want to. I wanted her to say relationship was important to her too. And then I remembered something…. a night, some time ago, that she pulled out a box… a sweet reused keepsake type. Filled with the cards and letters I wrote to her when I was in college. She had kept them… through all the strain, through the years we didn’t even speak… she kept them. This box of memory she had tucked her heart into… and waited.

I called. And I decided it was time she knew about … everything… She had been my biggest supporter when I left the first time. My cheerleader. And I knew she would be again.

Her week became crazy with home repairs, so we had lunch at her house.

I decided the best way to tell her was to show her this blog. So I sent her the link and told her I had something I wanted her to see, then logged in to my account for her.

She glanced at the header, studied it a moment, and turned around with a huge smile, “Is this YOURS?!”

And she knew… and she was excited and endearing and listened to my three hours of emotional spending over it all, with a smile.

Much later that night I got a text from her:

Girl. So I finished. Thank you for sharing. It really humbles me. and it’s beautiful. Simply beautiful. You are a fantastic writer and your descriptions and weaving of words is just intoxicating. It’s also crazy sexy! Like, maybe I’ll let you see my Tumblr 😆

 

She’s the only one that knows *EVERYTHING*. I’m so glad Daddy pushed.

My sister is a sub… it’s a family thing…

 

Not Quite Home

Daddy pulled into his new home last Wednesday. ( not pictured) This will be his home for the next several months.

He talked about how the state he is in feels like home. How good it feels to be home. I got quiet. Because he’s not ‘home’. Not quite.

At some point he stopped talking about this beloved landscape, and said, “ I need to know you understand it’s not home until *you* are with me, until you and the kids are here with me.”

I’m his home. Me. With me is where home is.

And he’s not home yet.

New Homework: The Crop

Daddy was traveling last week, mostly through Rural America.

“ I’m sending you a crop.” The connection we had was spotty and I wasn’t sure I heard him correctly.

“A crop? Right now? Of what? How are you sending it?”

Daddy was driving and I did not want him fidgeting with cropping pictures to send to me. Whatever it was could wait.

“I’m sending you a crop. To your mailing address. This will be your new homework. As soon as you get it, I want you to touch the leather end to your pussy. Especially from behind.”

“How am I going to hide that from the kids?”

That…. is not my problem. This will be your new homework. I expect reports.”

Leaving

There have been some delays, things outside of his control. He’s three days behind schedule because someone else couldn’t communicate. But he’s still leaving. I was beginning to become anxious for him. I thought by the time he finally got to say, “I’m leaving!”, I would be celebrating with him… but… I find my heart tight, my eyes stinging, and my spirit tense… and I can’t breathe. He’s as irritable as I am. I think shades of CA play at him too.

Today he climbs into the truck, loaded with his possessions, and the possessions of those in his care. He pulls out of the drive, that has been his home for the past year… and he leaves… without me.

We’ve done this once before. Twenty four years ago. And I … didn’t handle it well. I was so lost in my need and caught in his drive. I needed him. I needed him to listen, to hear my concerns. I needed him to see me. He needed me to trust him, and walk through it with him. ” Baby, please, just get on the plane….” I’ll never forget that note of anguish in his voice. I hope I never hear it again. It wasn’t all me. He was struggling to hear and see what I needed of him. He was lost in our future. I was trapped in our present.

But … we… are not those kids. We are not those kids. This time we’ve got life experience behind us. We’ve got structure that binds us. This D/s that is such a large part of our play, is also the structure, the boundaries… the anchor… that gives me hope for our success.

We don’t not talk ever again. And it works. We’ve had some doosey fights!! Wow! Have we had fights! But in the midst of that chaos there’s still this anchor that we come back to, that holds us.

Today he climbs into his truck, and pulls out of the drive…. without me…. And I breathe….

Packing

“Can I pack you up and take you?”

I read this message and my heart stopped.   Me? Or my house? Was he asking for me to drop it all and go with him? He’s never even insinuated that before.

“What?”, I replied.

“Can I put you in a box and take you with me?”

Sigh….

Yes, please….

Failed Submission

“You will speak with him as openly and as honestly as you do with me. You will be explicit in your language. And you will Role Play with him.”, Daddy clearly laid out his expectations. But not the why’s, and I struggled with this.

I liked this other Dom, he was articulate and gentle with me. He seemed to understand I was hesitant and, with some trust, there could be good reward. But… I didn’t understand why I needed to be able to discuss my sexuality, or my sexual proclivities, or my wants and desires with this man. So we danced around it. Some times he pushed. Sometimes he didn’t. Usually we simply… talked. And in the talking I developed a desire. I started to see pieces of his heart as his own walls started to come down. A heart very much like my Daddy’s.

I couldn’t tell you exactly when this man popped into my world. But I can tell you, he helped form the way I see this world of submission. Daddy’s special… he’s Daddy. I have certain expectations of him. Certain standards I know he’ll follow- or exceed. But he’s the only man I’ve been involved with, that I trusted this in. Daddy found a man similar in thought, and nature, and philosophy. They even have similar professions. They speak to me similarly. It really isn’t a wonder I developed a desire for this other man.

And I thought I had been clear with Daddy about this. I thought I told him how I responded to this man. I wrote about it and showed it to Daddy, and he seemed to take it all in stride. It was never discussed. So when I told him I thought I was ready to publish this writing, and he asked to read it again, I was surprised he was surprised with this revelation. ” Excellent, though I did not realize, in the first reading, how much you wanted him.”

You didn’t? How had I not been clear?  ” It’s not nearly as intense as it was when I wrote this- That’s wrong- It doesn’t hold me like it that.” I responded.

” But it was when you wrote it.”

“Yes, but not now.”

“So it’s true to who you were at the time.”

“Yes”

“Something I wasn’t entirely aware of.”

This prompted a conversation about desire vs. attraction vs. pursuit and who I belong to and who I want to belong to.  Which morphed into the reasons I was having conversation with the other man to begin with…. and my submission.

We continued to discuss my discomfort with the idea of explicit conversation, and my choice to continue this action with this man, previous to a recent change in his world that prevented such.  Daddy stopped to clarify, ” You’re not sure of Role Play with another, but had this change not taken place, you would have proceeded, yes?”

“Yes,” I replied, ” Two fold: 1) You wanted me to, 2) I trust him and feel safe with him”

” And those are the two things that matter…this is about your submission for the sake of it…and *explore role-play* with others simply because you trust me.”

Oh… well… I failed that one. Not just a little.

” I was trying not to say it outright, hoping you might just ‘go’ ”

No… I felt too lost in it. I didn’t understand the boundaries, or the purpose. And even roleplay feels…personal, I need to be comfortable with the other person. While the attraction came early, so did mistakes, and I got gun-shy, concerned I would cross a line. And then didnt know how to get back to the roleplay.

“Nobody, regardless of how quickly they connect to D/s gets it overnight. Lessons in anything require failure. We learn more from failure. And this was a small one.”

Well… I’m glad HE sees it that way… Sigh… I have so far to go…and there again… is that distance…

Awakening: Spitfire Prequel

Daddy introduced me to a new online friend of his. Another Dom. He’s helping with my training. It forces me to think outside of Daddy and still think about my desires and wants. He and I have had some explicit and interesting conversations… the nuances between fucking and making love was the first. I find I really like this man. He’s articulate, intelligent, polite, respectful, and not just a little sexy. I find myself holding care and concern for him… and, frequently, I find I want him. Oh… how I want him.

In the very beginning of this I told Daddy my hard boundary was other people. No other women. And no other men. Period. No conversation, no discussion. I’m not willing.

Yet …. this man… wonders through my day. His words echo,  bouncing around like ping pongs,  in the caverns of my mind. I find myself mulling over them, and wondering: What The Hell Is Wrong With Me?!? I really know next to nothing about him. Hight, weight, eye color, ethnic descent, profession, single, home city. I know his drink of choice. And he enjoys a good beer. I’ve surmised an approximate age, and I know some of his tastes. I know he’s a Dom not dom. All of which I find… enticing.

But there’s this boundary I’ve set. Based in my own morality and how I know my heart works. And I won’t let myself consider anything outside of it. So… my subconscious brings it up in my dreams…

I came home from work. The house was quite. I found a note on the kitchen counter, Daddy had sent the kids to various friend’s houses for the night. I was to fill two glasses with ice water and come to the bedroom. 

I did. As I entered the bedroom, I set my things down by the door, crossed the room to Daddy, sitting on the foot of the bed, waiting for me. I carefully knelt before him, as gracefully as my black pencil skirted dress would allow. He greeted me with love, I offered him a glass. He took it. Then told me to serve our friend. 

It took me a moment to discern his meaning, as I surveyed our bedroom. I found a man sitting in the chair on Daddy’s side of the room. I knew immediately who he was. He was the other Dom. I stood, slowly approaching him. Each step an intentional sway of enticement. He stood, greeted me by the nickname he had given me, and took the water. Which he drank slowly, savoringly, keeping his eyes on mine.

 Daddy then joined us and informed me I was to change into the dress he had set out in the closet. But I was to undress here. And he stepped back. Our guest did not. I couldn’t unzip the dress myself, so I turned and presented my back to him, brushing  long red hair over one shoulder, out of the way.  I waited. I heard him set the glass down. I felt his fingers at the base of my neck finding the zipper. I felt the tug of his hand as he leisurely moved the fastening down the length of my back, brushing my skin as he did. He slid the shoulders off me and we both let the dress fall to the floor.  

I stood there in only my bra, thigh high stockings, and black heels. I rarely wear panties, as Daddy despises panty lines. My ass and pussy were exposed for viewing. Daddy then commanded me to pick up the dress. I felt our guest step back, but could sense he was still close. I stepped backwards out of the puddle of fabric at my feet, and bent forward, legs straight, back flat, to retrieve the dress. As I did, my naked ass made full pressured contact with his hard cock beneath his slacks.  I paused, the briefest moment, before I stood and walked acrosss the room to my closet.  I turned to face them, I asked if I were to dress in the closet or the room. Daddy said the closet.

I woke from this dream in a panic. What the heck was that, and why am I wet?  Why does he have such a hold on me? I can’t want this man. I can’t want to touch him. Want him to touch me. He did once. Daddy has strictly forbidden Play with others. It’s a hard boundary. He and I flirted with that boundary. Not recognizing it, we almost crossed it once. He told me I steal moments in his day as well….and I found no small pleasure in that. What Was Wrong With Me???

Then…in the distance… I hear Daddy’s voice… breathe, Babygirl…. Are you waking up? That’s freedom. That’s what you’re feeling. Freedom to be. Freedom to choose and indulge and still be safe and feel protected. And freedom from judgement by the one who loves you most. How does it feel to be the sexual creature we both always knew you were? How does it feel to FEEL again?  You were trapped in a life sentance, and now you have the freedom to feel that desire you locked away.  Without judgement, in safety with me. And it’s ok to be curious. How does it feel?

Oh… it’s powerfully intoxicating, heady and illicitly arousing. There are possibilities before me I would never have allowed myself to consider, that are alluring and enticing. And I cannot say, if in this man’s presence, I would not ask to be offered to him. And that is a huge paradigm shift that still frightens me. I also can not say I would, as the thought still holds fear for me.

It’s an extreme example of the awakening happening within me.  Whether or not I ever actually have that conversation with Daddy is an entirely different post… perhaps one I need to mull through. I don’t believe that hard boundary has moved. There are, however, cracks in that wall.

This is  the raw emotion, the real desire, the unfettered lust of where I am. All those things are farther out, at the edge of possibility. But now they *are* possibility … out there… in the distance..

Breathing

In …. and… out…. slowly…. intentionally…. breathing.

Its all I can do, at the moment. Intentionally move through my day.. and breathe.

His departure has been delayed a day… because… beauracracy has a different brand of competence.

September is a notorious month in my world. Death seems to find a home here. Departures and ends tend to gather in its grounds. Loss burrows roots into the tear sogged soil. It seems, I look back over the last several years and Sepetember is my Month of the Dead.

I hold great comfort that October is coming. With its crisp air, and fall fires. Cozy protective sweaters.  And that another September will be blown away with the leaves.

And I breathe… in … and … out…. intentionally.

The Spitfire

I have a hard boundary. No other people. Period. Non-negotiable. Non-discussable. Hard Boundary.  This is based in my faith and how my heart works… because I don’t share. I , unknowingly did, in my first marriage. I discovered he and I both liked men. Sharing simply was not an option, so we divorced.

But Daddy has a desire. He enjoys the idea of himself and another man using me together. The idea of my enjoyment of such. In another, as yet unpublished post, I explored this idea, and discovered my boundary has cracks in it. I may someday publish that post, but for now that part of this journey needs to stay private.

So we explore this idea in Play, online. And I find it nonthreatening in  this manner. I can seperste it as the fantasy it is and enjoy it.  After the first time we Role Played this, Daddy asked me to re-write it from my point of view. This was my homework for the day.

This is that report, written for Daddy.

“I really want your mouth on my cock right now.”
Obliging, I open my mouth to accept your cock.
“I want you to service me.”
I’m momentarily confused, is that not what I was about to do? Maybe he meant to start elsewhere, “Starting at what point on your body, Sir?” I kneel between your thighs, my hands reaching for my 6.5” heels, as instructed.
“ My cock… you’re only about my cock.”

I put my mouth on the head of your cock and suck. I do enjoy giving you head. I like the feel of the soft skin of you cock over the marble that I create in it. My tongue rubs the tip, circling around the hole.
“ That’s it, you hungry little slut”.
Did he just call me slut? I take a bit more of your cock into my mouth, my tongue constantly moving over the veiny shaft. My eyes watching the veins pop as my mouth moves over them.
“ Bob that head”.
My eye flash up at you, as I swallow you down into my throat, and back down to watch the veins in you cock. I can feel my pussy respond to what my mouth is doing. I wonder if you’re going to come in my mouth or move to my pussy. I’m not certain which I prefer.
“DON’T look away from me”, you command.

My eyes dart back up to yours as I pull back and down again, drool beginning to drip from my lips, as I move past the gag reflex with each downward stroke of my mouth. Wincing, I push back down to the base of your cock, eyes never leaving yours, as they begin to water.

You smile, pleased with me, “ Goooooood little Girl”.
I slowly slide out to the tip, gathering suction as I do, sucking hard on the tip, then releasing to plunge back down, you gasp as I swallow you again. I like that gasp. The sound of you taking pleasure in me makes me wet. I can feel my pussy swelling with need, the juice beginning to flow out of me. Working my tongue around your cock, sliding you in and out of my mouth, varying the pull of the suction I can create on you, and slowly working back down to the base of you. Sucking hard with each stroke out, easing with each stroke in. Enjoying the rhythm I’ve found, my eyes never leaving yours. Listening to the satisfied moans you release, and feeling my response, down deep in my core.
“ Do you want Daddy’s hand liitle one?” I nod. I love it when you touch me. Your hand on my head when your cock is on my mouth. Guiding me how you want it. Pushing me further down than I intended, my nose buried in your abdomen. My eyes go wide, I try to keep them on you, but I can’t see you. I can’t breathe, you hold me longer than I intended. I can feel myself going red before you finally let me off, pulling you out of my mouth to breath, gasping for air.
“ Did I say it could leave your mouth?” Fearful of  correction, I promptly place my mouth back on your cock. Your hand drives my head back down again. I swallow, enjoying your hand in my hair, pulling back, only to have you push my head back dow. Holding me there. My eyes wide and watering. You pull me off, as I gasp for air, and put you back in my mouth.
“What are you?”
I release to speak, “Your fucktoy”. A part of me cringes at that, as I feel my pussy drip.
“Nothing more.”
My heart gets tight as I put my mouth back on you, but I want to be so much more. You begin to forcefully fuck my throat. I can smell the heat of my scent from my pussy. I know you can smell me too.  I can feel my thighs wet with me.
“Little toy in heat”
I nod. Yes, yes I am. I want your hands on me. I want you inside my pussy. I want to cum on your cock. I don’t care what you call me, just touch me.
“Get your ass up”, you demand.
Releasing you, I begin to turn around to present my ass to you.
“Let go of your heels. Did I say stop”
Confused, I turn back around and put my mouth back on you, but do not put my hands on my heels. I’m not sure what you want. I move to full kneeling before you, with your cock in my mouth.
“ Get your ass up”, you demand agsin.
I stand, slowly, careful not to drop you from my mouth or bite you.
“ Hold your ass open. Keep your eyes on me”
I place one hand on each check, and spread myself open for you. Confused
“ Don’t look away” Where would I look? I keep my stroke on you cock as best I can in my confusion. And nod.
Suddenly there are strong hands on my hips… How is he doing that? His hands are the wrong direction. Then a hard hot hard cock head is at my juicy entrance, but not entering me, lingering in the place I love so much. Teasing me, torturing  me with not entering. I want so to push back and take it in. Wait… you’re in my mouth. This is someone else. Someone else has his cock about to enter me. Some faceless, nameless man. Oh… how I want him inside me. Want to devour him with my pussy. I want to fuck this cock, squeez it with everything I have, while you’re in my mouth.

I’m at the mercy of you both. His thumb is playing with my ass, you’ve obviously told him good things about me. You smile at me, bent over, mouth stuffed with your cock, pussy dripping for his. My lustful, wanton eyes searching yours. You nod, I nod back. “ Go ahead Baby, take him in”, you issue permission.
I greedily push back onto his cock, as He grips my hips tighter, and drives down deep into me. If I had breath, it would have made me breathless, it forces me to my knees. This trusting he’s doing inside me. You stand, squatting slightly, your hand still on my head. Him beneath me thrusting me forward, you in front of me thrusting me back onto him. You two find a rhythm and use me. Pushing me back and forth on and off each other. My clit screaming at me for attention.

I’m overwhelmed and can no longer think. These men taking their pleasure of my body, while it screams at me. His hands move to my shoulders, your hand still on my head. The constant motion in and out of my body. Not wanting any of it to stop. Enjoying being used, frustrated and surprised with myself for it. Choosing to focus on your cock in my throat, or his cock in my pussy, both of you pounding at me.
He removes a hand from my shoulder and reached around my hip. I can feel the tug of anticipation in my body. His hand slides between my open thighs and begins to rub my clit. You push me back to him, he can reach me better. He’s obviously been instructed in Rule #3. I can feel you both building, getting closer, I can feel me building quickly. The slightest touch has me edging to orgasm. You lean over to my ear, “ Cum for US”, he softly pinches my clit and pulls at my clit ring. Your hand cupping my tits, pulling at my nipples, you both can feel the build inside me.
And I’m lost, as waves of glorious pleasure flood through me, leave me writing, helplessly, on his cock, and hungry for yours. The two of you smile at each other, and cum simultaneously. I don’t know which of you to focus on. Which load to take in with thought. The noises of the encounter as erotic as the encounter itself. The two of you giving groans of pure satisfaction. Thrusting at me in the pursuit of the last moments of your pleasures. The two of you slide from me in unison, as I fall to the floor spent.
You bend down to me, taking in the sight of me well used, shaking,  and leaking cum.

“ I love you Little One. Daddy is so proud of you. You came so hard. “
I glance up in question, you nod, but he is gone. His only signature is leaking from my wet throbbing pussy.